An Open Letter to Santa

Dear Santa,

I've tried my best to be good this year.

I've been working on the patience thing.

And I totally own that I haven't stopped the gossiping like we talked about last year, but I do feel great pangs of guilt sometimes when I do it, and that counts for something, right? 

Anyhow, I know you're a busy guy, so I'll just cut to the chase. 

Two liters of it, Santa.

That's all I want.

Just two liters.

That you didn't get any for me last year doesn't deter me, Santa.

I so believe in you.

Thanks!

Did you, dear reader, know that there's a big surge in ginger ale sales around the holidays? It has something to do with all the punch being served at soirees around town. Because of this heightened interest in ginger ale, the soda companies pull out their most-fancified flavors for the festivities. 

A few Decembers ago I stumbled upon Schweppes Diet Raspberry Ginger Ale at my local market. 

And I knew that I had found two little liters of heaven right here on Earth. 

The next time I bought two bottles and lovingly drank them down over the course of a couple days.

Then the unimaginable happened. It was gone. My sweet elixir of sparkling diet raspberry goodness was no longer on grocery store shelves. I hadn't figured out the seasonal nature of flavored ginger ales yet, so I continued to check every time I shopped. It was never there again. I finally gave up hope around St. Patrick's Day.

Fast-forward to this year. 

My grocer is mocking me.

There are bottles aplenty of Schweppes Raspberry Ginger Ale.

But what of the Diet variety?

Alas, there are none to be found. 

(There is Diet Cranberry Sierra Mist, which I find tolerable, but it just ain't the same.)

I've gone hunting for this elusive beverage all over the interweb and am now considering moving to the East Coast where, apparently, it flows like water.

My attempts to find it at Coborn's Delivers were met with more mockery. Check this list of "similar products":

1. Yoplait white chocolate raspberry yogurt

Not exactly a beverage. And white chocolate kinda sucks.

2.  JELL-O raspberry-flavored gelatin

Sure, that it jiggles is cool and all, but ... still not a beverage.

3. Aquafina Flavor Splash bottled water

Yes! A beverage! Um, where are the bubbles, though?

4. Smucker's raspberry jam

A little thick to get down the gullet, don't you think?

5. Nilla Wafers

Okay, now you're just being mean.

So, since none of my efforts to find Schweppes Diet Raspberry Ginger Ale have panned out, I have no choice but to turn to Old St. Nick as my last hope. Maybe he can pick up a bottle for me at a convenience store when he's making deliveries in New Jersey. That's not an out-of-line request, right?