The middle-school girls I teach are doing something weird.
Or, more precisely, not doing something weird.
And that's what's so strange.
I've had a front row seat to the seventh grade for about fifteen years now, so I kinda know what to expect from the kids on many levels.
The boys this year have not let me down. They are folding paper footballs and making origami Freddy Krueger fingers with wild abandon. They truly believe they invented both these things. And they are right on schedule in doing so. Every group of boys before them has done the exact same thing - and believed that they, too, had invented something new and wondrous.
But the girls - that's a different story.
As I looked at my students today, I noticed that something was missing.
Something scores of tween girls have brought to my room every single year.
That something is gobs of inexpertly applied glitter eye make-up.
None of my girls are ridiculously sparkly this year.
In fact, I'd be hard pressed to find many of them with anything beyond a tasteful (?!) touch of mascara. ('Cept the goth girls, but they don't really factor into this. They've adopted a lifestyle that requires eye make-up. Apples and oranges, people. Apples and oranges.)
Having noticed a trend (or it is a non-trend?), I must search for reasons.
I am currently working on two theories vis a vis the absence of tacky eye make-up on middle school girls at my school:
1. Sasha and Malia Obama are already having a profoundly positive effect on girls thanks to their fresh-faced and stylish appearance. (I think of them as the anti-Olson twins.)
2. The economy sucks, and extras like eye make-up for your middle school daughter are no longer in most family's budgets. What they used to spend on sparkles is helping put food on the table.
I'd be happier if #1 were the reason; girls could use some positive peer role models.
But I'm pretty sure it's reason #2, and, much as I mock the make-up when it's there, it makes me sad to see these girls missing out on a truly tacky right of passage that has marked seventh grade for so many who've come before them.
Maybe next year.
There's always hope.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Of Course
What did I see as I was driving home tonight?
A bowling ball.
Where was it?
In the gutter.
A bowling ball.
Where was it?
In the gutter.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Hide Your Nuts, People
All the freaks seemed to find me today - an assortment of oddballs that popped up wherever I went. The result of spending my day surrounded by strange strangers has left me feeling rather, um, normal by comparison. Perhaps I am delusional, and I am someone else's epitome of oddity, but at least I'm not these folks -
First: School Picture Photographer (a.k.a. The Bunnyman)
Today was school picture day, so I had to go through the yearly horror that is waiting in line and having my mugshot snapped. I have found that pictures of me are slightly more tolerable if I smile without showing my teeth. True, it can get a bit smirky, but at least my eyes aren't all squinty and bizarre, right?
So that was my plan.
The toothless smile.
Check!
The photographer whose station I end up with has a stuffed blue rabbit attached to the top of his camera. (Note: I loathe Blue Bunny ice cream, so he was already on my bad side.) Anyhow, he wasn't happy with the smirky smile I was trying to cling to while looking relaxed and casual and not at all like someone who's being told to tilt her head fifteen degrees to the left and tuck her chin under just a bit.
Once he's got me all posed up, I can tell it's time. He's about to take the picture. I try to keep my eyes relaxed and fight the urge to blink. He says, "Okay, now give me a great big smile just like - this guy!" And as he says it, he opens his hand that is just to the left of the camera. In the center of his palm he has drawn a big smiley face with Sharpie marker.
It was the schtickiest thing I've ever seen.
And it made me grin.
Damn you, Bunnyman.
I shall curse your name every time I look at my squinty little eyes on my new ID badge.
Second: Fellow Target Shopper (a.k.a. Talkative Tampon Lady)
I was in the politely-dubbed feminine hygiene (where the clean women shop, I guess) aisle at Target tonight when this twentysomething woman appeared next to me and proceeded to narrate her entire tampon selection process.
"Hmmm, tampons, tampons, tampons. Oh, yes, over here. I need the regulars. Reg-u-lars, not the supers. Hello? Generics? Where do they hide the generics? Oh, here. Man, I just LOVE having my period."
And she did it all in this singsongy voice. I half expected her to throw in the occasional "tra-la-la!" as she went on and on.
This seems like the sort of thing that should either be a completely-interior monologue or, if it must be spoken aloud, done in a quiet, talking to myself tone. But not this lady. She was in full-volume conversation mode. Made eye contact and smiled at me too. Like we're besties now or something.
Third: Woman at the Checkout (a.k.a. Visibly Neurotic Lady)
She had a TON of stuff on the conveyor belt, but they only had three lanes open, so I ended up in line behind her. I was kinda zoned out, looking at the mints and skimming the magazine covers, when I noticed the continual prattle of the lady in front of me.
I looked up and quickly figured out that she was methodically going through her pile of purchases and telling the cashier in what order they should be rung up. It wasn't just your run of the mill don't put that loaf of bread under the laundry detergent stuff, either. It was more along the lines of: "Ring up the blue t-shirt first, then the pink one. No, wait! Do the socks before the shirts!" And she had a twitchy, frantic quality about her as she did this. Like she was REALLY worried things might get rung up out of order.
I thought that she might be buying for more than herself and wanted the items bagged according to who they belonged to, but she was ignoring the bagging process entirely. She was fixated on the ringing up - the order of the ringing up.
It was odd enough just at that, but she also kept apologizing to the cashier. "Oh, I'm sorry. I know. I know. Oh, wait! We need the Life Savers next!"
It got to the point where the maternal instincts within the high-school aged cashier kicked in, and she started soothing the woman with, "It's okay. You're fine. We'll get it all right. You'll be fine."
Then the couple who were fighting - loudly - about the fact that he'd wanted to go to Wal-Mart instead of Target pulled in line behind me. Obviously, their entire shopping experience had been nothing but a series of disappointments, and he was about to enumerate them to her and once and for all prove how dumb she was to have dragged him into this damn store.
I was so glad Visibly Neurotic Lady was done.
She was in WAY too fragile a state to be exposed to that.
First: School Picture Photographer (a.k.a. The Bunnyman)
Today was school picture day, so I had to go through the yearly horror that is waiting in line and having my mugshot snapped. I have found that pictures of me are slightly more tolerable if I smile without showing my teeth. True, it can get a bit smirky, but at least my eyes aren't all squinty and bizarre, right?
So that was my plan.
The toothless smile.
Check!
The photographer whose station I end up with has a stuffed blue rabbit attached to the top of his camera. (Note: I loathe Blue Bunny ice cream, so he was already on my bad side.) Anyhow, he wasn't happy with the smirky smile I was trying to cling to while looking relaxed and casual and not at all like someone who's being told to tilt her head fifteen degrees to the left and tuck her chin under just a bit.
Once he's got me all posed up, I can tell it's time. He's about to take the picture. I try to keep my eyes relaxed and fight the urge to blink. He says, "Okay, now give me a great big smile just like - this guy!" And as he says it, he opens his hand that is just to the left of the camera. In the center of his palm he has drawn a big smiley face with Sharpie marker.
It was the schtickiest thing I've ever seen.
And it made me grin.
Damn you, Bunnyman.
I shall curse your name every time I look at my squinty little eyes on my new ID badge.
Second: Fellow Target Shopper (a.k.a. Talkative Tampon Lady)
I was in the politely-dubbed feminine hygiene (where the clean women shop, I guess) aisle at Target tonight when this twentysomething woman appeared next to me and proceeded to narrate her entire tampon selection process.
"Hmmm, tampons, tampons, tampons. Oh, yes, over here. I need the regulars. Reg-u-lars, not the supers. Hello? Generics? Where do they hide the generics? Oh, here. Man, I just LOVE having my period."
And she did it all in this singsongy voice. I half expected her to throw in the occasional "tra-la-la!" as she went on and on.
This seems like the sort of thing that should either be a completely-interior monologue or, if it must be spoken aloud, done in a quiet, talking to myself tone. But not this lady. She was in full-volume conversation mode. Made eye contact and smiled at me too. Like we're besties now or something.
Third: Woman at the Checkout (a.k.a. Visibly Neurotic Lady)
She had a TON of stuff on the conveyor belt, but they only had three lanes open, so I ended up in line behind her. I was kinda zoned out, looking at the mints and skimming the magazine covers, when I noticed the continual prattle of the lady in front of me.
I looked up and quickly figured out that she was methodically going through her pile of purchases and telling the cashier in what order they should be rung up. It wasn't just your run of the mill don't put that loaf of bread under the laundry detergent stuff, either. It was more along the lines of: "Ring up the blue t-shirt first, then the pink one. No, wait! Do the socks before the shirts!" And she had a twitchy, frantic quality about her as she did this. Like she was REALLY worried things might get rung up out of order.
I thought that she might be buying for more than herself and wanted the items bagged according to who they belonged to, but she was ignoring the bagging process entirely. She was fixated on the ringing up - the order of the ringing up.
It was odd enough just at that, but she also kept apologizing to the cashier. "Oh, I'm sorry. I know. I know. Oh, wait! We need the Life Savers next!"
It got to the point where the maternal instincts within the high-school aged cashier kicked in, and she started soothing the woman with, "It's okay. You're fine. We'll get it all right. You'll be fine."
Then the couple who were fighting - loudly - about the fact that he'd wanted to go to Wal-Mart instead of Target pulled in line behind me. Obviously, their entire shopping experience had been nothing but a series of disappointments, and he was about to enumerate them to her and once and for all prove how dumb she was to have dragged him into this damn store.
I was so glad Visibly Neurotic Lady was done.
She was in WAY too fragile a state to be exposed to that.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Right There in Black & White
During my morning commute I ended up behind a big Chevy pick-up. While we were stopped for a red light, I got a chance to read his bumper sticker:
Eatin Fords and Shitin Dodge's
As an English teacher, a significant part of my day is spent extolling the virtues of correct spelling, punctuation, and grammar. My students leave the classroom knowing that they'll never be taken seriously in this world if their writing presents an image of one who lacks precision and general detail sticklerliness. You'll certainly never be published if you don't clean up your grammatical act, yanno.
And then this idiotic bumper sticker shows up and blows my pompous theories right out of the water.
Granted, the guy driving the truck still looks like an idiot, but that bumper sticker was created by someone. Yes, there's a person out there who dreamed up and wrote down that little slogan of excessive automotive pride. And that person is published. Totally published. A company loved his/her words SO much, they printed hundreds - even thousands - of copies to sell to the masses.
Money is being made from these misspelled, poorly punctuated words.
If any of you simply MUST express your Chevy pride in such manner as this, please consider purchasing your sticker from these folks. At least they took the time to do it right. Their English teachers must be so proud of them right now.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
It's September, and I Suck
Tonight, as I snarfed down the "stress meal" that is the Wendy's Junior Bacon Cheeseburger with a side of Frosty, I realized that I loathe September.
Not just this September, either.
I mean ALL Septembers are on my shit list.
The reason for my extreme ill-will towards this month is simple: It is the month in which I suck on a grand scale. And the source of all this sucking is none other than the beginning of a new school year.
Now, I've been through this MANY times, so you'd think I'd have it down. But I don't. So here I am again, trapped in a swirl of frustration and stress. I pondered the reasons why this time of year always hits me so hard and makes me, a usually calm person, feel so utterly overwhelmed.
And why is it that I seem to suck so hard at so many things right now, when I normally don't really suck that much at all?
It's because I've lost some things that I'd forgotten to appreciate - and I miss them dearly.
• Knowing my Students' Names In the excitement of the end of the school year in June, I forget how nice it is to be in a room where we all know one another - names, pets, hidden talents, shared experiences. Developing those bonds with this year's batch of kids takes time, and right now it just feels like I spend my days in a room full of strangers.
• Puttering in the Kitchen In the summer, I spent hours chopping fresh fruits and vegetables, trying new recipes, and putting together meals at a leisurely pace = usually while listening to music and singing along (occasionally dancing too - but less often and never with sharp utensils). Cooking was my quality relaxation time. Now it's about rushing to get something on the dinner table and packing my lunches in a zombie-like trance.
• Morning Walks Nothing beats the AM constitutional for me. But there's no way in hell I'm getting up at 4 o'clock to take one. The evening walk pales by comparison - more traffic, hotter weather, and fewer ducks bobbing contentedly on the lake.
• Being an Awesome Mom I know that the physically/emotionally burned-out days of September shall pass, but it bugs me to find myself wishing my daughter would fall asleep a bit earlier, stop continually following me all around the house, stop asking so many questions, etc. In the summer, I have so much more to give. And I do give it. To her.
• Brain-Numbing Television I haven't watched a "marathon" of anything in almost three weeks. No wonder I'm cranky.
• Blogging I've had many blog-worthy moments but lacked the energy to put them to words.
At least September's only one of those thirty-day months.
Not just this September, either.
I mean ALL Septembers are on my shit list.
The reason for my extreme ill-will towards this month is simple: It is the month in which I suck on a grand scale. And the source of all this sucking is none other than the beginning of a new school year.
Now, I've been through this MANY times, so you'd think I'd have it down. But I don't. So here I am again, trapped in a swirl of frustration and stress. I pondered the reasons why this time of year always hits me so hard and makes me, a usually calm person, feel so utterly overwhelmed.
And why is it that I seem to suck so hard at so many things right now, when I normally don't really suck that much at all?
It's because I've lost some things that I'd forgotten to appreciate - and I miss them dearly.
The Stuff I'm Mourning
• Knowing my Students' Names In the excitement of the end of the school year in June, I forget how nice it is to be in a room where we all know one another - names, pets, hidden talents, shared experiences. Developing those bonds with this year's batch of kids takes time, and right now it just feels like I spend my days in a room full of strangers.
• Puttering in the Kitchen In the summer, I spent hours chopping fresh fruits and vegetables, trying new recipes, and putting together meals at a leisurely pace = usually while listening to music and singing along (occasionally dancing too - but less often and never with sharp utensils). Cooking was my quality relaxation time. Now it's about rushing to get something on the dinner table and packing my lunches in a zombie-like trance.
• Morning Walks Nothing beats the AM constitutional for me. But there's no way in hell I'm getting up at 4 o'clock to take one. The evening walk pales by comparison - more traffic, hotter weather, and fewer ducks bobbing contentedly on the lake.
• Being an Awesome Mom I know that the physically/emotionally burned-out days of September shall pass, but it bugs me to find myself wishing my daughter would fall asleep a bit earlier, stop continually following me all around the house, stop asking so many questions, etc. In the summer, I have so much more to give. And I do give it. To her.
• Brain-Numbing Television I haven't watched a "marathon" of anything in almost three weeks. No wonder I'm cranky.
• Blogging I've had many blog-worthy moments but lacked the energy to put them to words.
At least September's only one of those thirty-day months.
Friday, August 28, 2009
Check It Out
Since I'll be going back to work next week and will have TONS of leisure time on my hands, I decided now was the best possible moment to start a new project/blog. Am I right or am I right?
It's focused on a topic I've touched upon here several times: food.
I'll still be keeping this blog rolling for all my non-food related observations and rants, but check the other one out too.
http://visiblevegetables.blogspot.com/
It's focused on a topic I've touched upon here several times: food.
I'll still be keeping this blog rolling for all my non-food related observations and rants, but check the other one out too.
http://visiblevegetables.blogspot.com/
Community Briefs
Our community newspaper is often an unintentional source of humor. It tries so hard to be folksy with its profiles of local valedictorians and stories about the neighbor's dog who's related to Bo Obama, but it usually devolves into petty little rants about who can park their boat trailer where and the correct protocol for displaying the flag.
I quote this week's Community Briefs, a section that highlights upcoming events of interest, verbatim:
Maplewood Mall is hosting the Bakugan Battle Brawlers Ultimate Battle Tour and a Women's and Children's Expo this weekend.
Let the juxtaposition soak in a moment there.
The Expo is throughout the mall. Exhibitors include home-based businesses, child care, OB/Gyn Services, health, beauty, college and career opportunities and more.
The Battle Tour is in the Sears Court. Challenge other players and get tips from experts.
How often do you see the terms Battle Tour and OB/Gyn Services in the same article?!
Do you think a lot of people will attend both?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
