Seven Things I Find Freakishly Disturbing About the Pedi Egg

1. It has blades, and you scrape the bottoms of your feet with it. A simple pumice stone should suffice; no one should need to go all cheese grater on their feet. Seriously, that's just wrong.

2.  When they show the person on the commercial emptying the trough of dead footskin (a term I'm considering trademarking, by the way), there's like a quarter cup of shavings in there. If anything, this emphasizes the overall grossness of the product and makes me shun it all the more. 

3.  As I was looking for a picture to include for this post, I found a whole message board of women talking about how much they LOVE their Pedi Eggs. Really? I love my family, my dog, my job, and, every now and then - a really good cheeseburger; however, I can't picture ever mustering up that level of affection for something that scrapes dead skin off my feet. Nope, I just can't.

4.  One woman on said message board warned of the danger of "over-grating". I think I just threw up in my mouth a little. 

5. It makes me look at people differently - as if I live in a world where everyone has horrific quantities of dead footskin (handy term, ain't it?). There's a rather unnerving Night of the Living Dead quality to it all. Here, I thought I knew my family and friends pretty well, but it turns out they're just a bunch of unexfoliated zombie freaks. "Eggs. Eggs. Must have Eggs..."

6. The feet in the ad are of the gnarly, well-traveled sort. Even foot fetishists would turn away from these hooves in utter disgust. If you're going to shoot an ad that features thirty seconds of gratuitous foot shots, could you at least have the decency to show some reasonably pretty ones? (And I'm not just talking about the befores here; the afters ain't too cute either.)

7. I fear for the repercussions of society's acceptance of this commercial. We already have ads with cartoon mucus sittin' around in someone's sinuses. And don't get me started on the one for the toe fungus stuff  - where they flip that discolored toenail back like they're opening a can of peanuts, for God's sake! We have to draw the line somewhere, America; otherwise, we're going to see before and after shots of Brazilian wax jobs, pictures of the kind of robust bowel movements only a diet supplemented with the active cultures of Activia can bring, and so forth. I don't want to live in that world. And I don't think you do either.