Surefire Signs That I'm Not the Slightest Bit Interested in What You're Saying

•  My vocabulary has all but disappeared, and the only things I'm saying are "Um, hmm" and "Oh" over and over at polite intervals.

•  I am completely avoiding eye contact. And not just in that cagey, looking-at-your-forehead way. I mean you're totally looking at the back of my head while I'm shuffling through papers on my desk or glancing out the window - as if looking for my getaway car to arrive.

•  If you do catch a glimpse of my face, you may notice that it's wearing an expression akin to that of a fox who's contemplating chewing off its own paw to escape from a trap.

•  I seem to be nodding an awful lot. Maybe a little too much even. And rarely in sync with what you're saying.

•  I'm trying SO hard not to roll my eyes at you that my face is starting to hurt.

•  When you ask me a question, I reply, "Huh?

• I'm subtly rocking from side to side and bobbing in time to the music I'm imagining in my head in a futile attempt to drown out your voice.

•  I back out the nearest door and close it when you're in the middle of a sentence.