Each item on the list below is the name of an actual product.
Your task is to decide whether each one is ...
A. a type of candy, or
B. a sex toy
Pencils up!
Let's begin ...
1. Big Hunk
2. Curly Wurly
3. Slap Stix
4. Slo-Poke
5. Astro Blaster
6. Wack-o-Wax
7. Cherryhead
8. Jungle Jollies
9. French Chew
10. Chick-O-Stick
11. Tweety Gigglehead
12. Hard Mint Balls
13. Hotlix
14. Big Jim
15. Swedish Fish
16. Idaho Spud
17. Tinglerz
Let's go through the answers and see how you did, shall we?
1. Big Hunk - It's a candy bar - chocolate w/ peanuts and nougat. I hear it's pretty big. Size isn't everything, though.
2. Curly Wurly - Caramel and chocolate. Sounds delicious, but I kind of want there to be a sex toy out there with that name too. A brightly-colored one that spins super fast.
3. Slap Stix - They're caramel pops with a twist of banana. This had such kink potential, too. Such a waste.
4. Slo-poke - You knew it was candy all along, but you'll never look at one the same way again.
5. Astro Blaster - "This really works! Soft foam rocket and candy-filled launcher." So dirty. So wrong. So taken out of context.
6. Wack-O-Wax - Spending Valentine's alone this year? Look elsewhere for help, Buddy. This is just the company that makes those wax lips, fangs, etc. (If you pictured Kevin Spacey in American Beauty when you read the name, though, let's just say you're not alone.)
7. Cherryhead - They're like Lemonheads, but cherry.
8. Jungle Jollies - It's a chewy taffy, available in many exotic flavors, but, with a name like that, it could be SO much more. Sigh.
9. French Chew - It's just taffy, but all French things sound a bit kinky, n'est-ce pa?
10. Chick-O-Stick - What does the "O" stand for? I don't know. It's some peanut and coconut thing. Looks revolting... like a piece of fried chicken, which really has nothing to do with candy or sex toys. Nor ever should.
11. Tweety Gigglehead - It's a sucker with Tweety Bird's head on top. What'd you think it was, ya big perv? (Actually, I think it sounds like a vibrator Charlotte on Sex and the City would buy if the store were all out of the Rabbit.)
12. Hard Mint Balls - Actually, they're called Bob's Hard Mint Balls. I know the mint part kind of gives it away, but I so respect Bob for puttin' his name and the words hard and balls together like that. Now that takes balls.
13. Hot Lix - No, it's the not a line of flavored body oils. It's just a candy company from Grover Beach, CA. They make suckers with bugs in 'em.
14. Big Jim - This thing is twelve inches long and sports a girth so big that you can barely get your mouth around it! And it's a candy cane.
15. Swedish Fish - You knew it was candy, but the Swedes are even kinkier than the French, and we all know it.
16. Idaho Spud - It's candy, but, for my money, it has just about the worst candy name AND the worst sex toy name imaginable.
17. Tinglerz - I bought some at the store tonight. The grocery store, that is.
5 comments:
I thought Big Hunk was FOR SURE some sort of vibrator.
February 10, 2009 at 8:39 PMi nominate King Bing and Twin Bing http://www.palmercandy.com/index.php/shoppe/C2/
February 11, 2009 at 9:33 AMTwin Bing was on my short list but did not make the final cut. I pictured it as some hideous double-headed thing. Which it kinda is. But in candy form.
February 11, 2009 at 11:04 AMwhat about Good n Plenty?
February 12, 2009 at 6:00 PMi think that with the right inflection, anything works.
i'm inflection's newest fan.
Hot Tamale.
February 12, 2009 at 8:31 PMTwizzler.
Skor.
Yep, inflection's a mighty fine thing.
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