Assorted Goods

I had some solo time at the grocery store today, which is for me, as you may recall, equivalent to a week at Canyon Ranch. During this fabulous, indulgent time, I had a chance to linger over the produce, smell the flowers, and notice a bunch of goofball stuff worthy of comment.

1. The staff at "my" store has new name tags. Cute, clever ones. Under each person's name, they have a little personalized statement about themselves/food. From these tags I learned that Wendi, my cashier, likes Mexican food, and Jake, who inquired as to my feelings RE: paper vs. plastic, likes steak. (Confession: When I saw that Jake likes steak, I had a sudden urge to yell, "Rhyme time! Rhyme time!" - a sure sign that I've had a lot of quality toddler time this week.)

The tags add a nice, human touch to an otherwise impersonal service economy-based relationship. As an English teacher, I do take umbrage at the decision to use all lowercase letters, choosing a whim of aesthetic flow over correct writing. Examples below -

[ wendi - i like mexican food ]

[ brandon - i make super cheeseburgers ]

I wonder what kind of limitations were placed on their freedom to share via name tag, though.

Was

[ jessica - i eat my feelings ]

rejected by someone in corporate?

Would

[ timmy - i pick my nose while unpacking the tomatoes]

pass muster with the front office?

And what of

[ josh - i drink to make the pain go away ] ?

Probably not, eh?

2. New product alert! The "Helper" people have come up with new one: Asian Helper. Seriously.

Cue up the "One of These Things Is Not Like the Others" song and think about the four basic categories of things the four-fingered glove "helps":

Hamburger

Chicken

Tuna

Asian

Anyone else out there screaming, "Asian is not a kind of meat!" right now?

3. Since I've had the cold/flu thing going on this week and keep repeating, "It's not H1N1. It's not H1N1," over and over to myself, I needed to pick up a little something from aisle #8 to take the edge off.

What I remember about Vick's Formula 44 from my childhood was drinking it down, getting all bug-eyed, and whispering, "That stuff burns, Grandma," once I caught my breath. (I love that I survived a childhood light on seat belt laws and heavy on giving alcoholic cold remedies to children. And Jarts! Jarts rocked!)

The ever-savvy folks at Vick's have followed the soda pop trend of highly-specialized versions of one product (Coke, Diet Coke, Caffeine Free Diet Coke, Diet Coke with Lime, etc.) and have come out with their own Custom Care line of products. So, now you can purchase Vick's Formula 44: Chesty Cough if that's what you need.

I didn't buy it, though.

My cough's more buxom than chesty.