By the Skin of My Teeth

I've been kinda, sorta bad about going to the dentist for the last two years or so - totally avoiding making an appointment, even though my dentist's office sent me several very nice "We Care About Your Dental Health" cards along the way. I think one of them had a picture of a sad puppy on it.

Many a time I drove home from work or woke up on the morning of a day off and thought to myself I should call and make an appointment.

Follow-through has never been my strong suit.

Anyhow, we got a post card from the dentist last week, reminding my husband of his appointment today. I decided the only way to get this done was to bite the metaphorical bullet, highjack hubby's appointment, and atone for my dental sins.

I called the office and told them that I'd be swiping the appointment and making another for my husband. I could hear just a hint of "Whatever gets your butt in the chair, Crazy" in the receptionist's voice.

I'd been feeling some, shall we say, discomfort on the right side of my mouth - for about six months or so - and was dreading the bad news that was due to greet me at the dentist's office. I braced (pardon the pun) myself for the inevitable - multiple cavities, painful extractions, lectures and you-should-know-better looks.

My appointment started with a series of eighteen x-rays.

That is not a typo.

I said eighteen, and that's what I meant.

While I have at times been accused of having a big mouth, the notion of finding eighteen angles from which to take x-rays of something that, on a relative scale, is quite small seemed a bit much, but the hygienist managed to do it.

Then the poking, prodding, scraping, and polishing commenced.

By the time Dr. Bob came in for the exam, my palms were sweaty in anticipation of the bad news.

Here's how it played out...

Diagnosis #1: impacted wisdom tooth

Rx: Ignore it since it's not giving me any trouble and looks fine on the x-rays.

Diagnosis#2: swollen gums (the cause of the pain I'd been feeling)

Rx: Go to Target and buy an electric toothbrush and Waterpik.

I was also given prescription-strength toothpaste and mouthwash, along with the usual dental swag.

That's it.

I hid from the dentist for two years (and didn't even floss), and the edict handed down from the dental gods commands that I go shopping?!

I skipped all the way to my car as I left the office.